"There Are the Lies a Narcissist Tells To Control Us, and the Lies We Tell Ourselves To Be Controlled."
The Love Liar
"The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid. We fear we will not find love, and when we find it we fear we’ll lose it. We fear that if we don’t have love we will be unhappy."
The love lies began when I was six years old. When my mother died, I told myself I was the reason I lost my mother’s love. As an adult, I based relationships with others on my false beliefs, making me a prime target for manipulating, narcissistic personalities.
In my marriage, my habit of deception melded with his manipulative lies. He took everything I gave and more as an auto-immune condition began to plague me early and throughout the twenty-year marriage. I gave everything I could until there was nothing left to give.
Although I found the strength to leave, the disease came back two years later with an ultimatum; either learn to love yourself or lose your life. In the ambulance, for the first time, I began to see my love lies. The Love Liar tells my vulnerable tale with understanding for the abused and the abuser to guide us all toward the truth of love.
About Carin
"The purpose of a Storyteller is not to tell you how to think, but to give you questions to think upon."
My name is Dr. Carin LaCount. I have a doctorate in optometry and a passion to empower others to see their own love lies through the telling of my tale. My experience has blessed me with the powerful gift to love myself unconditionally. It is a gift I am proud to pass along to my two adult children.
Over twenty-eight years with my husband I slowly began to wake up to what was happening to me. Once I got divorced I thought I’d solved all my problems. Little did I know I’d only begun to uncover them.
My story is explicit, personal and told with complete transparency because the only way for me to fully understand how I’d become so emotionally and physically devastated, was to lay out in this book my life challenges and the lessons I learned. I believe that there is no other effective way to tell it. I truly believe that this life I was given, and the sensitive soul I was assigned with it, is for the purpose of telling my story for others to use as a cautionary tale.
I spent four years writing my book The Love Liar: A memoir of Narcissism, Codependency, and the Pursuit of Self-love after decades of searching for the source of my unhappiness and ill- health through spiritual studies, psychotherapists, psychics and alternative medicines. Through the process, I was able to see the hard truth: I suffered an inability to love myself.
Sharing my story has become the final catharsis. It has helped me to dispel the judgments from not only others—either real or imagined— but also the most toxic of judgments: those of myself.
Now I know how to love who I am.
Reading others stories through memoirs and posts on sites such as Quora and Medium, helped me not just understand the abuse and gaslighting I’d been struggling with in my marriage, but also the codependent mindsets I’d had that held me there beyond my heart’s desire.
Those stories put me on a path toward truly healing that just leaving my marriage would never accomplish.
It is my wish that my story can be that for others: a path to understanding and the self- compassion to do right by one’s heart.
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Abuse Support Authors
Through my journey, I had consulted many books to help me understand what I was experiencing in my marriage, and in my health. I’ve listed here in alphabetical order those books directly related to narcissism, abuse and the emotional connection to physical illness.
Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself
Shahida Arabi
Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration and Safety
Dr. Elinor Greenburg
The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing Traits and finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse
Debbie Mirza
Feelings Buried Alive Never Die
Karol Truman
The Journey: A Roadmap for Self-healing After Narcissistic Abuse
Meredith Miller
Out of the Fog: Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
Dana Morningstar
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Dr. Kristin Neff
Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
Lundy Bancroft
Contact Carin
Read Carin's latest articles on Medium®.
See what questions Carin has answered on Quora®.
For signings, live talks, or other inquiries you can reach out to Carin via email.